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[personal profile] razornet
Thank you to everyone who looked for, helped me and sat with me, bought me drinks, gave me a hug. Thanks for all of your support.

It's been a couple of days now and I've managed to piece my thought together more coherently. The below contains my remembrance of him and a few photos take from around the place.

New ArrivalsWe received Tarmac and Gravel some months after we moved in. The RSPCA lady (who added me out of the blue on face book sometime back, I had no idea it was her until she messaged me about Tarmac last night) brought them round for a viewing and left them with us as she was perfectly happy with the environment. They were both fast, scared, aggressive little creatures. I could fit both of them in the palm of my hand, if I wanted my hand to become a scarred mess that is...

They grew fast, as kittens do, comprehensively wrecking the room the were in, though it took Gravel some time to leave the safe confines oon the underside of the cupboard. Stella spent much time prowling the outside of the door, growling ominously. Tarmac exhibited genial curiosity, Gravel unmitigated terror but then Gravel was terrified of *everything*.

Tarmac and StellaTrue to their nature they escaped rather than being released and began taking over the house. Stella first treated them as intruders, then as barely tolerable nuisances and eventually as somewhere between surrogate children and younger siblings. The months wore on to become a year and the kittens grew larger (thought not big for cats) and stronger. Gravel remained very nervous but Tarmac became the most friendly, genial, laid-back cat I have ever had the pleasure to meet or own. We became firm friends. His preference was to sleep on my bed curled in the crook of my leg. When guests came by, politely ignoring the smell of neglected litter trays and pervasive cat-pee smell (our fault, not the cats) they were enraptured by this sleek, friendly micro-panther who would sit on anyone purring like a well-kept diesel engine. They loved the house and the garden especially where they prowled like miniature big cats, bringing us choice gifts. Mice, voles, frogs, starlings, one or twice some massive pigeon. Tarmac would always push the limits of what he was allowed to do and memorably one hot summer's morning disappeared out of my bedroom window, causing me to rush outside in my boxers to see he hadn't been hurt. Only to find him curled up on my bed fast asleep when I got back to my room. He was a cause of pain and frustration to me, but also joy, entertainment and comfort. I experienced a deep friendship with him and in my more sentimental moments I like to think we really did understand each other.

Tarmac was a quiet animal having no voice but a sort of gasping "ah!". The only time he meowed was when he was in distress. He had bright yellow eyes, an alert face and the most beautiful sleek fur I've ever seen. For his protruding fangs the neighbors named him "Satancat", it stuck.

TarmacHe made many friends especially [livejournal.com profile] mossy and [livejournal.com profile] waylay who showed him unconditional affection. I know they feel nearly as bad as myself and M.

Then we had to move. The cats were divided amoung us and for a very long time I thought Tarmac would need to be re-homed, maybe if he had I wouldn't be writing this. I don't blame myself, he'd have wanted to stay with me.

Brimley road brought its own problems with the Owner adapting to living with the cat and my own adapting to circumstance. Tarmac, of course, took this in his usal complacent manner, managing to bewitch all around him, even after he'd pissed on one of the flatmates beds!

Feline Keyboard ProtectorMy abiding memory is of him lying between my arms as I played borderlands gently chewing on my wrist, not demanding attention, just at peace where he was.

He loved the garden there, and would lie on the wall in the sun. He'd cleared his own territory and was definitely more comfortable there than I was.

He was a constant presence in my life, linking the past to the future, giving me a sense of responsibility towards another being. Now that he is gone I treasure the sense he touch so may people. I'm still having bad dreams and I still see him as I found him a thousand times a day. This is already beginning to fade though as I bring these images out to show you.

All of that said, I miss him very, very much. Thank you all again.

Ozzy posted this in another post and I think it's one of the most beautiful photos of him taken, so I've put here for you all to see. I hope you don't mind Ozzy.

Looking, Courtesy of Karohemd
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